


louder, lower

by Pirateofantiva



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Hypersensitivity, autistic!Holtzmann, remember when i said the angst bus hit me?, well the bitch got thrown in reverse and backed right on over me, yes holtz has autism sorry i dont make the rules
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2016-09-29
Packaged: 2018-08-18 10:37:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8159152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pirateofantiva/pseuds/Pirateofantiva
Summary: “Holtz, Christ, what the hell is wrong with you?!” Erin exclaimed, rushing over to the scientist to inspect her. Holtz winced a bit at her yelling, but quickly schooled her expression.“Well, first, the ‘Christ’ is unnecessary, just ‘Holtzmann’ is fine. Second, nothing is wrong with me, just a lil’ bang to get the heart racing.” (erin snaps at holtzmann after yet another lab accident, but only causes more damage.) ((ft. Autistic Holtz, loud Erin, and a machine on fire))





	

**Author's Note:**

> proofreading? uhhh, i think the fuck not. (there's prob a billion mistakes. sorry.)
> 
> i wrote this late at night, i'm really sorry, yes i can write better than this, also yes angst again i seriously have an issue, and i'll just show myself out (ps thank u ghostbusters jesus for the extras amen)
> 
> also: holtz is on the spectrum guys wheres my neurodivergent fic #neurodiversity

Erin stood at her whiteboard, deep in thought as she chewed on the marker cap. The board was filled with equations that she had been staring at all day, unable to solve. Abby and Patty took the day off, but Erin stayed behind in an attempt to finish up, and Holtz- Well, Holtz stayed behind to do god only knows what. Oddly enough, Erin thought, she hadn’t heard a peep out of her all day. What was she- Erin was snapped out of her thoughts when she heard a loud bang from upstairs and a string of curses from Holtzmann. She dropped the marker and raced up the stairwell to find Holtzmann waving her hand around trying to clear the smoke. 

“Hmm, well- Okay, so, this was an accident- err, mostly- it wasn’t supposed to be… quite this big.” Holtz trailed off, grinning with glee at the smoldering ashes on her lab table. Her face was covered in soot, with small clean circles around her eyes where her googles were. Erin stammered, aghast, at the scene in front of her. 

“Holtz, Christ, what the hell is wrong with you?!” Erin exclaimed, rushing over to the scientist to inspect her. Holtz winced a bit at her yelling, but quickly schooled her expression. 

“Well, first, the ‘Christ’ is unnecessary, just ‘Holtzmann’ is fine. Second, nothing is wrong with me, just a lil’ bang to get the heart racing.” Holtzmann winked as Erin took Holtz’s hands in her own, turning them over to check for burns or cuts. 

“God-“ Erin started, but Holtzmann swiftly cut her off. 

“Again, just Holtz, but thanks. I-“ Holtz began, but stopped as Erin shouted in frustration.

“Holtz, shut up. You can’t do this. You can’t put us all in danger like this! You’re not the only person in this fire house! There’s more at stake than just you!” Erin was fuming now, glaring at Holtzmann. Her hands were still holding Holtzmann’s, and her grip was tightening as she continued to yell. “It’s just so irresponsible, I don’t-“

“Erin, hey, I’m sorry, let go of my hands, please-“ Holtz tried to get Erin’s attention, quietly at first, but Erin continued to rage. Holtz swallowed nervously, and her discomfort swelled as Erin’s voice gets louder. 

“-You act like it doesn’t even matter, like we just-“ Erin was rolling her eyes, not even looking at Holtzmann, who was trying to wiggle her hands out of her grip. 

“Erin, come on, hey-“ Holtz was getting desperate now as Erin’s grip kept getting tighter, still not looking in Holtz’s direction. 

“-Honestly, Holtz-“

“ERIN! Let me go!” Holtzmann shouted, interrupting Erin’s rant. Erin, shocked, dropped her hands, and Holtzmann immediately took a step back. She lowered her eyes to the floor, away from Erin’s, and began to curl her hands into fists and back out again. Erin opened and closed her mouth a few times, trying to speak. 

“Holtzmann.” Her voice was soft, and she took a few cautious steps toward the blonde. Holtzmann moved back slightly, and Erin stood, helpless, her hand reaching in Holtzmann’s direction. “I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to do that, okay? I’m sorry.” Holtzmann’s gaze stayed glued to the floor, but her eyes darted up to Erin’s briefly. “God, Holtz, I really am sorry.” Holtzmann rubbed the backs of her hands, blinking hard a few times. 

“I- hmm. It’s-“ Holtz muttered, just loud enough for Erin to hear, as she clenched her eyes shut. 

“No, Holtz, you’re fine, I overreacted, really, I did-“ Erin tried desperately, but Holtz just clamped her hands over her ears. Erin resumed her walk over, even slower than before, and spoke in a calming tone. “Holtz, I want to help you, okay? Can I do that?” Holtz groaned, low and quiet, and Erin took it as a yes. “Okay. You’re okay. Can I touch you? Is that alright? I won’t touch your hands, I promise.” Now in Holtzmann’s proximity, Erin kept her voice low, trying to avoid contributing to the other woman’s stress. Holtz nodded jerkily at Erin, hands still tight on either side of her head. Erin gently rested her right hand on Holtzmann’s back and began to rub gently in small circles. 

“Is this okay?” Erin asked, looking at Holtz for a reaction. Holtz gave a jerky nod, and Erin continued, careful to regulate the pressure of her hand to keep Holtz from getting uncomfortable. Holtz whimpered when Erin rested her hand on her left arm, but didn’t pull away. “You’re okay Holtzmann. You’re okay.” Erin shushed her soothingly, and brought Holtzmann in a little closer. Holtz relaxed into the touch, and Erin brought her into a hug. Slowly, she lowered them both down towards the ground, until they were both kneeling. Erin leaned back, sitting against the wall, and gently pulled Holtz forward so that she was curled up in her arms. 

“See? You’re alright. You’re okay.” Erin whispered, still mindful to keep her voice quiet and speak away from Holtzmann’s ears. She softly swayed side to side, rocking the scientist in her arms. “You’re okay. You’re okay.” Holtzmann began taking deeper breaths, soothed by the motion. She relaxed her features, loosening her hands as well. After a few minutes, she brought her hands away from her ears, resting them on her knees. She slowly opened her eyes as Erin continued her ministrations. They sat in silence for a few more minutes, with only the soft hums of the lab’s machinery filling the air. Finally, Holtz spoke. 

“Thanks.” She gulped nervously, eyes glued to her knees. 

“Of course, Holtz. And for what it’s worth, I really am sorry.” 

“No, it’s okay, I shouldn’t- It shouldn’t bother me. It’s my own problem.” Holtz stuttered quietly, embarrassed. 

“Holtz, no. I shouldn’t have yelled. I should have payed attention to the fact I was grabbing you. That’s on me. It’s not your fault. You have nothing to feel bad about.” Erin reassured her, and Holtz gave a small nod. 

“Okay.”

“Okay?” 

“Yeah.” Holtz nodded again, and Erin relaxed. Holtzmann stood awkwardly and stepped away as Erin rose. “And… I’m sorry about the lab. It really was an accident. I didn’t want to hurt anybody.” Holtz rubbed her hands sheepishly, and Erin gave her a smile. 

“I know, Holtz. I shouldn’t have yelled. I know you would never put us in danger. That was wrong of me to say.” Erin replied, and Holtzmann took a few seconds to absorb it before acknowledging her. 

“It’s okay. I’ll be more careful. Do you… do you want see what I was working on?” Holtz asked cautiously, still a little shaken, and Erin did her best to be reassuring. 

“Yeah, Holtz, I would love that.”

Holtz smiled, reserved at first, but then unabashedly as Erin began to ask her about the smoldering machine. Excitedly, Holtzmann began to explain, and Erin listened attentively as the rambling got more complex as Holtz went on. Holtz’s speech got a little stilted, but Erin nodded encouragingly, and so they sat together- learning, teaching, apologizing, forgiving, loving- Erin and Holtzmann.


End file.
